Over the years the following have been published as “Homily Hints” in the pages of Loose-Leaf Lectionary, a resource for those preaching in Catholic parishes. They are all based on the readings provided by The Order of Celebrating Matrimony, the ritual text of the Roman Catholic Church for the sacrament of marriage. Serial rights were granted to Liturgical Press, so the copyrights for this material have reverted to my ownership following the expirations of the quarterly publications in which they first appeared.
from the Nov 2019–Jan 2020 edition of Loose-Leaf Lectionary (32, no. 1)
Suggested Readings: Jeremiah 31:31-32a, 33-34a; Ephesians 4:1-6; John 15:9-12
Some things you just know. You don’t have to learn them; they don’t require years of study. You just know them—it’s as simple as that.
If you ask N. and N. about how they knew they would be here, getting married before all of us today, they might say something similar. They just knew it. And perhaps some of us could say the same. We’ve seen them together, and we’ve just known that today would come.
Of course, this is not to say anything against those relationships that take years to develop into something similar. Each and every relationship is unique and has its own way of being what it is. Some enjoy love at first sight, and some do not. But as we reflect upon this relationship today, the marriage of N. and N., we have the opportunity to explore how sometimes we just know that something is right.
There is something self-evident about such knowledge. It doesn’t require proof, although ample evidence may very well be available. It is not a source of inner conflict, in that one wonders whether it is truly the case. It is just there, its certainty offering comfort in a world where so many things are in question.
In our Old Testament reading, we hear that God’s people will come to know the Lord without having to be convinced. God’s law will be written in their hearts, and they will simply know that God is God. This is how the book of Jeremiah characterizes the new covenant that the Lord will make with the houses of Israel and Judah.
And, again, these words are not to say anything against the old covenant. Some people—probably most of them, in fact—take years to develop a faith in God, accumulating quite a collection of stories and experiences that finally justify such faith. Everyone’s faith has its own distinctive character. Some believe because of something they read; others because of their family traditions; and others in spite of such experience! So it becomes all the more interesting to reflect upon how some beliefs are just known immediately, without any doubts or equivocation. There is a peculiar kind of freedom there—a freedom from continual deliberation and a freedom to enter fully and enjoy the faith, hope, and love that God provides.
N. and N. know the kind of freedom I’m talking about. I’m not saying that everything is easy for them. On the contrary, much will be required of them. They will need—in the words of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians—humility, gentleness, patience, and they must bear with one another through love. But they are blessed to have a certain knowledge, without question, that they are to be together: one body, one spirit, remaining in love.
This is something that they just know.
And by this simple certainty, they bear witness to all of us. We may take comfort in the fact that there are some things that are beyond our own deliberations. There are some things that just are the way they are because God has made them that way. We need not question them. We need not doubt their truth. And if we are blessed to have that particular kind of faith or that peculiar kind of love in our lives, then we not only may enjoy such freedom but we must also bear witness to others.
It’s not that such faith or love is better than anyone else’s. Again, each and every relationship has its own manner about it. Similarly, the character of faith varies by the person who holds it. But what we learn from those who have this peculiar freedom from doubt is that our faiths and our loves are not just our own. They come to us from above—from the God who loves us and instructs us to remain in his love so that our joy might be complete.
From the Nov 2014–Jan 2015 edition of Loose-Leaf Lectionary (27, no. 1)
Suggested Readings: Genesis 2:18-24; Romans 8:31b-35, 37-39; Matthew 19:3-6
The seventeenth-century poet John Donne is probably best remembered for part of a single line tucked away in an obscure meditation in a collection of devotions:“No man is an island, entire of itself.” The remainder of that line is not remembered as often: “every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” He went on to describe how if even a single clod of soil was to fall into the sea, then the continent as a whole would be less than it could be.
The biblical story of Eve’s genesis expresses much the same sentiment. We are not islands unto ourselves. As human creatures, we need one another. And that is why God created Eve. It simply was not right for Adam to be alone. Sure, we may be able to find a companionship of sorts in animals. But, ultimately, humans need the fellowship of other humans.
It is important, therefore, that the story relates how God took a rib from Adam in order to make Eve. Men and women are not two different species. Had God formed Eve directly from the soil—as God had done with Adam and, later, the various animals—then she would not have been a “suitable partner.” But she was made from the same “stuff” as Adam, and a partnership was born.
To be sure, N. and N. have many differences. [Name some amusing differences between the bride and groom.] Over the years ahead, new differences will emerge between them as they continue to mature and develop distinctive habits and preferences. And, of course, as they learn to live with one another, they will discover differences that they’ve had for years but of which they are not yet aware.
But, ultimately, N. and N. are made of the same “stuff.” That is, they are both children of God. And, as children of God, there is nothing that can separate them from the love of Christ. This is what they share. And no difference between them—not even the degree to which they shut the toothpaste cap—can remove this fundamental unity that they share in Christ.
And that is why, when the Pharisees approached Jesus and asked him about the conditions under which a marriage could end, he quoted from the story of Eve’s birth and concluded that “what God has joined together, man must not separate.” For we are not making marriage today—we are celebrating one. It is God who is joining N. and N. in holy matrimony; we are just the spectators, called from our various walks of life to witness this amazing work that God is doing.
Indeed, no one is an island. Neither N. nor N. is entire in him- or herself. They cling to one another, and become one flesh. They are not from two different worlds, nor did God create them out of two different stuffs. They are one in Christ Jesus.
At this point you may be wondering, “But aren’t we all one in Christ Jesus? What’s so different about marriage?” And you would be correct—we are all one in Christ Jesus, whether we are called to be single or married. What is different about holy matrimony, however, is that N. and N. will provide companionship for one another for life. Together they will strengthen and uphold the other during each and every challenge that they face in the years ahead. And it is together that they will celebrate one another’s joys and triumphs. From this point on, everything that they do, they will do together. No one may separate them. No one.
This does not mean that they will become their own island. They will continue to participate in the life of the church, their community, and their larger family. They will still provide friendship and love to those gathered here, as well as to those who could not be with us today. But together they will form, in Donne’s words, a single “piece of the continent, a part of the main.”
From the Nov 2013–Jan 2014 edition of Loose-Leaf Lectionary (26, no. 1)
Suggested readings: Sirach 26:1-4, 13-16; Hebrews 13:1-4a, 5-6b; John 17:20-26
About 180 years before Jesus was born, another Jesus—Jesus Ben Sira—traveled the Middle East as a diplomat before settling in Jerusalem to direct a professional academy for young men. These young men aimed to work, like Ben Sira, in the courts, which required training in law, religion, and ethics. As a part of his work, then, this Jesus Ben Sira recorded his teachings on these subjects, which were eventually compiled into a book of the Bible—Sirach—from which our first reading comes.
One of the most important things that this teacher wanted to impress on these young men was the importance of finding a good wife. And if he were teaching young women, he would certainly have written conversely about the importance of finding a good husband. Given the likelihood that his audience would marry, he wished to emphasize the importance of marrying someone who would bring happiness, peace, and fullness of life.
The first verse of this reading proclaims that a good spouse lengthens the days of his or her spouse. Of course, we may chuckle at the thought that this means that each day seems twice as long! But a more recent translation of this text clarifies that it is not the length of days but rather the number of days in one’s life that are doubled when spent with a good spouse. The secret to old age, then, is marrying the right person! N. and N., may you each bring long life to one another. Neither of you alone can bring joy and fullness of life to yourselves. But as a team—as husband and wife—you can enjoy these things together.
The author also makes the point that a good spouse is a gift from God to those who fear the Lord. We must therefore be not merely passive in this arrangement, receiving joy and fullness of life without giving anything in return. On the contrary, these things are gifts to those who appropriately revere, honor, and attend to God. N. and N., may you each first love the Lord and then enjoy God’s gift of one another.
Another point made by the author of our first reading is that a gracious spouse is thoughtful and disciplined in his or her speech. N. and N., if you ask any of the other married couples here whether they have ever wished they had not said something in haste to their spouse—something that precisely because of its lack of forethought resulted in mutual distress and hurt feelings—they will likely say yes, they have. And they would encourage you to refrain from doing so. When dealing with the important things—or even the small things—think before you speak. And create a habit of doing this now, so it doesn’t become more difficult in the years ahead. Cultivate the skill of being a gracious spouse.
And in the final verse of today’s first reading, the author gives us an illuminating image of the home of virtuous spouses. Just as the sun radiates the sky, a virtuous spouse spreads beauty throughout the home. N. and N., may you provide one another with a bright, beautiful home in which to live.
As Jesus proclaims in our gospel reading, he has given us—his disciples—the same glory that the Father gave him, so that we may be one as the Father and he are one. And together we may be brought to perfection as one. N. and N., may you enjoy perfection as one: one in the Lord, one in the church, and one in each other.
From the Aug–Oct 2013 edition of Loose-Leaf Lectionary (25, no. 4)
Suggested Readings: Song of Songs 2:8-10, 14, 16a; 8:6-7a; 1 John 3:18-24; John 15:12-16
“This is my commandment: love one another.” Jesus’ words here to his disciples are curious, to say the least. How can you command something like love? Commands like “clean your plate” or “pay your taxes” make more sense to us. From our infancy, we hear people commanding us to do this or that action that otherwise we would not do on our own. That is the sense of the imperative mood in our grammar and that is the moral force of the law in our society. Despite what you might prefer to do, you must do this other thing instead.
But love? Love is something so free and so spontaneous—how can it be something that requires commandment? Like the gazelle in our reading from the Song of Songs, bounding over hill and dale to hear the voice of his beloved, those in love surely need no coercion to do what comes so naturally.
How are we to understand this commandment to “love one another”? Perhaps we may find a clue in the vows made here today. By promising to one another that they will be true “in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health,” N. and N. are freely entering into an imperative relationship. They are declaring their consent to enter into a legal responsibility for one another. To be sure, this may not sound as romantic as the gazelle enamored with his dove. But in these vows—in the self-imposed limits that N. and N. accept—we witness a true love that is more powerful than nature itself.
In this respect we may more easily understand that cryptic verse within the same passage from the Song of Songs: “For stern as death is love, relentless as the nether-world is devotion.” Love is indeed fun and full of exuberance. That is its joy. But such joy is so powerful, so intense, that it immediately becomes serious business. Could the poetry of the Song of Songs put it any better? “For stern as death is love.”
N. and N., this is serious business. And it is joyful fun. You will find that each side of marriage will only increase the other. The more fun you have, the more serious it becomes. And the more serious you are about one another, the more fun you will have!
As the apostle John writes in our second reading, we are to “love not in word or speech but in deed and truth.” These vows are not mere words. They indicate a new reality for both of you, one in which your love will transcend nature’s laws, combining freedom and spontaneity with commitment and obligation.
And as N. and N. make these vows, may we remember the commandment that Jesus gives us all: to love one another as he has loved us. These are not mere words either. Rather, they are the new, supernatural reality into which Jesus both invites and commands us. In this commandment Jesus takes nature’s law and simultaneously fulfills and transcends it. This is the power of love. Obligation begets freedom. And that freedom transcends the imperative to become indicative of truth, goodness, and beauty.
N. and N., we thank you for allowing us to bear witness to your love today. You are in our prayers, and the joy that you have upon entering this new reality is a joy that we are all too pleased to share with you. But remember that this joy is not just fun and games. We will celebrate with you with food and drink and dance, to be sure, but our exuberance can only flourish because it is accompanied by confidence. The “serious business” of your vows enables a trust in which you (and we along with you) may rest.
With the freedom of the gazelle bounding through the forest, you may safely fall into one another’s arms, knowing that you will be caught and that you will be safe. Thanks be to God!
From the May–Jul 2013 edition of Loose-Leaf Lectionary (25, no. 3)
Suggested readings: Tobit 8:4b-8; Romans 15:1b-3a, 5-7, 13; Matthew 22:35-40
Today we celebrate together this joyous sacrament of marriage. As a community we affirm together the love that this couple has for one another. Spirits are high, smiles abound, and any tears are those of joy. Love is indeed a beautiful thing and it is to be celebrated. But what is it? By what sort of mystery do we find ourselves so emotionally charged about the vows that N. and N. are making? Tomorrow, the next day, and the next day, N. and N. will be a married couple going about their everyday business. What is it that we presume is so special about this new context for their lives? Our Scripture readings provide us with clues toward answering such questions. It turns out that marriage is a model for a greater life: one lived not for oneself, but for others.
When asked about his own approach to the moral life, Jesus answered the Pharisees that above all things one should first love the Lord—with heart, soul, and mind—and then love one’s neighbor as oneself. Everything else depends on these primary norms of goodness and righteousness: love of God and love of neighbor. Such love is complete and total (with heart, soul, and mind) and it is unselfish (caring for another as equally, if not more so, than oneself). In marriage one is immersed in a way of life that is total and all-encompassing. While remaining two people, N. and N. will share their hearts, souls, and minds. Sharing like this can be a great help in loving God. When one’s heart, soul, and mind are no longer one’s own, there is accountability. N. and N. will be able to help one another love God totally and completely. And they will learn love of neighbor by immersion as well. They will learn to focus on one another, and together they will learn how to focus on their neighbors.
Saint Paul repeats Christ’s emphasis on such a love, reminding us to focus on others and not ourselves. We should model our moral lives on Christ, he proclaims, as Christ did not live for his own self but gave his life for others. And the apostle Paul provides specific “tips and tricks” for maintaining harmonious relationships: endurance and encouragement. N. and N., you will find that these two tips will help you through the tough times. Stick with it, stick with each other, and uphold one another. You will come to appreciate the endurance and encouragement offered by your spouse. And you will come to appreciate offering these things in love.
The answer of our Lord Jesus Christ to the Pharisees and the words of the apostle Paul to the Romans are, of necessity, stated in general terms. They are exhortations for all the faithful: single, married, lay, ordained, religious, Jew, Gentile, and so on. But in today’s reading from the book of Tobit, we hear this message of love as it applies to conditions similar to that which N. and N. find themselves in today. In this reading, we are invited to hear the intimate prayer of a couple on their wedding night.
Their prayer begins with their praise of God. Then, recalling the first marriage of Adam and Eve, Tobiah and Sarah affirm how their own marriage is not for selfish reasons, but for “a noble purpose.” They recognize that they are partnered together not to be insular and not to satisfy their own desires in themselves. Rather, they are joined together for goodness and righteousness. And with this in mind, they pray for a long and happy life together. Such is the deliverance for which they pray.
N. and N., may you share this prayer. And may you share in the Lord’s granting of deliverance through a long, happy, godly, and lovely life together. May you both offer and receive endurance and encouragement over the course of this life. And may you together love the Lord with your hearts, souls, and minds, and love your neighbors as yourselves.